My Quarter life crisis and The Big 25

Back in January, I started thinking about my birthday this year. I love my birthday so I always get excited when June hits but never six months early… I was feeling weird, couldn’t pin it down. Maybe I was stressed from my crazy schedule or just generally tired. As the winter months were turning to spring, I was actually getting excited- after a turn of events for a first time in my life, I was moving to my very own place and had the opportunity to create my personal little Nirvana. Still something felt unsettling, I wasn’t happy.

One day I was sharing my frustration with a friend over coffee when she mumbled something about how she didn’t end up being where she was supposed to be by her age (24). Later that day I remembered a recent conversation with another friend, we’ll call him Joe. Sunny and kind, a combat veteran who traveled half the world and is one of the most intelligent and involved people I have ever met. He shifted the conversation toward how he feels incomplete and wants to find the One, settle down and have a few children. He felt like at his age (38), he was supposed to look for preschools somewhere in suburbia and gush over yearbook pictures. Supposed to and expected by whom? Aren’t we supposed to draw our own map, chose our way?

The following morning while doing yoga it dawned on me: 25. My problem was that this year my birthday was different: I was turning 25 and it wasn’t just another party. Somehow there was no more college and worrying about homework. It seemed like I woke up out of nowhere and I was late for work, about to put my razor in my mouth and my toothbrush on my leg, while debating what day it is and what am I going to make for dinner tonight. I was nowhere near where I was supposed to be by the time I hit the big 25. As I proceeded to make coffee, I started getting my answers. “Supposed to” is a synonym to “Expect to” so the question here was expected by whom? By that 18 year old girl on prom night, thinking the world is just waiting for her to conquer it? The one that was sure she had it all figured out because every move was carefully planned out? Was I still the same person I was 6-7 years ago? How could I have possibly known about all the twists and turns, the peaks and lows on my then spotless map? The adventures, the people and explorations along the way that influenced and shaped me and helped me discover things I never knew existed?!

Yes, I’m not some hotshot Psych profiler, living somewhere glamorous on a six figure salary and I can’t afford everything I want. I don’t have a bunch glamorous friends and every now and then, I end up having too much month at the end of my money. But I have discovered something else; the confusion, the discoveries, fears and doubts, the mistakes are all okay! As much as I would like it to be, the answer is not always 42.. Gestalt philosophy claims: What it is Is. So simple and right in front of us yet so hard to truly comprehend: reality is what it is, not what we would like it to be, not what it was last year, not what it would be next year. Our reality simply is what it is. The only way one can change that is by acknowledging the current situation. That is directly linked with another “in your face” yet hard realization: I am who I am! Not who I thought or would like to be, not the one I used to be: I simply am who I am. Jorge Bucay adds that all our neurosis begin when we try to be someone we are not.

It never crossed my mind that my love for animals would make me become a vegetarian or that I have a passion for cooking and experimenting with different cuisines. That just with one summer of frequenting the city, I’d not just fall in love with art but create my own. That being a bartender could be so much fun, that I would get the chance to meet so many different people and learn about many colorful cultures. That my fondness for fashion would grow into an Instagram page with a little over a 1000 followers (I love you so much guys!) after six months of me sharing what I wear, eat and where I go.

I read somewhere that the best way to ruin your twenties is to worry how you are not where YOU expected to be. So I realized: I was sitting around feeling sad over a half way fantasy future, I could never be certain would even happen. Over something that simply wasn’t my calling. I took a deeper look at my life so far: I’m what seems like galaxies away from that adorably naive 18 year old girl. I have traveled and seen so many amazing things, I have learned so much about culture and life but most importantly, myself.  Life is a journey and sometimes, you have to close a door shut in order to have a sunny window open right in front of you. So what do I do now, where do I head next? After making the scary decision to ditch the path I carefully drew when I was 18, I took some time off. Spent my days reading, painting, meditating and just letting my thoughts wander. I didn’t have to let my knowledge go to waste, just take a different approach. I’ve always been an inspiration seeker and it’s time I give back! That means coming out of my comfort zone, doing things I’ve never done, visiting new places and most of all- learning and sharing my journey with all of you!

This is how the idea for this blog was born. Here I will be sharing my life experiences. My thoughts and adventures from what to wear today/night and what to make for dinner to life changing decisions and personal experiences. Wander, explore and learn while experimenting with clothes, food, events and countries.

Welcome to my journey to reaching the best possible version of myself!

                                                                                  Xo, Silvia Mélange


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